My former wife and I were at Swami Kriyananda’s to talk informally about our relationship. Swamiji gave us his wise counsel, then he began talking enthusiastically about how he had fasted for ten days, and how wonderful it had left him feeling.
We listened politely, but in the back of my mind I wondered, “Why is he telling us this?”
Later, I reflected that my energy was low. In my first years on the path, I had fasted often. Yogananda suggested that we fast one day a week and three days once a month on orange juice – “to give the body a rest.” But in recent years I had fallen out of the practice.
I borrowed a book on fasting by Paavo Airola, a well-known health teacher, and found his methods compatible with Master’s. The book had the playful title, How to Keep Slim, Healthy and Young with Juice Fasting.
I undertook several short fasts, then fasted for twenty-one days following Airola’s advice. When the long fast was over, my bodily engine felt as if it had received a complete overhaul. I felt wonderful. I knew that Swamiji had wanted to help me raise my energy, so that I could serve better and enjoy my life.
Years before the fasting episode, I went to Swamiji’s for counseling. I forget the questions I asked him, but in the course of our conversation he asked if I had seen a movie that was playing at the local theater. When I said no, he described the movie, giving it his warm recommendation.
I wondered, “Why is he telling me about that movie?”
I drove to Grass Valley to see the film. It was a fictionalized account of several people who had had near-death experiences.
One of the subjects had “died” while trying to commit suicide. His experience was very unlike the uplifting transitions we’ve all heard about, where the “dead” person ascends through a tunnel toward a great light.
The suicidal man was sucked into a dark region where he perceived the souls of others who had succeeded in killing themselves. They were suffering and were clearly not enjoying a “holiday from earthly life,” as Yogananda described the after-death experience.
I realized that Swamiji wanted to give me a friendly warning. During my first years at Ananda, I had terrible moods and bouts of depression, accompanied, rarely, by suicidal thoughts. With Swamiji’s help, I began to dismiss suicide as an option. What ultimately pulled me out of the moods was serving and chanting. Those soul-expanding practices took me to a level of joy where the sun shone, the skies were blue, and the future was bright.