Conversations With Ananda — Nayaswami Mangala

Mangala is an award-winning registered nurse practitioner who, at the time we talked, worked at the Sierra Family Medical Clinic, a nonprofit facility started in 1982 by Dr. Peter Van Houten, a physician from Ananda Village. Mangala now serves at The Expanding Light guest retreat at Ananda Village, where she is the director of Ananda Yoga Therapy Training. (photo: 2008)

Q: You run the day‑to‑day operations of the clinic. How did you come into that role?

Mangala: Dr. Van Houten left for six weeks of pilgrimage in Italy at one point, and he asked me to take charge while he was gone. It was a big spiritual test for me because it involved a level of financial management that was not in comfort zone. But fortunately some friends helped me remember that Divine Mother is in control. Once I succeeded in letting go of the anxiety – “I’ve gotta make sure this works!” – and turned it into “Okay, Divine Mother, I’m here to serve You,” I realized there was a certain grace that the clinic had, and that it wasn’t going to fold in those six weeks.

Dr. Peter came back, and he told me he’d been thinking about letting me take care of the finances and personnel for the clinic. I felt like I was being asked to stretch to a new level, and at that point we decided that I would take over those duties and become the office manager.

I did that for four or five years. I enjoyed working with the staff, making sure everybody was doing okay while we dealt with the demands of the patients. There was a part of me that didn’t want to be doing that kind of stuff, but at the same time, it seemed like my spiritual growth would no longer come from being a nurse practitioner. It was easy for me to be a nurse – it wasn’t as challenging as managing a clinic that’s essentially being run by the grace of God, and dealing with how stressed‑out everybody was, and helping them feel nurtured.

After a couple of years, I went on a pilgrimage to India, and one of the things I prayed real hard about was that I didn’t understand what I was supposed to be doing and learning at the clinic. I came back feeling strongly that I was just there to love and support people, that that was my job now, whereas previously I’d been getting too frustrated with all the things I had to do. When people had personal crises or weren’t able to come to work, I had felt that it was getting in my way, but now I realized that it was my job to nurture and support the staff, and that people were more important than things.

It was a big change and it helped me a lot. Instead of getting irritated and wanting to do something else, I could just give people the energy they needed, and, in fact, we eventually hired more people to help with the “things” part of it.

Q: Did your spiritual practice pull you through the changes?

Mangala: Oh, yes, absolutely. That’s why it’s going to be hard to tell people what makes the clinic work. But it’s just praying. Just saying “Divine Mother, what’s trying to happen here?” “Where’s my growth?” “Where can I serve?” Whether it’s ministering to people or just doing the “things.” “Where can I serve?” “How can I stay cheerful and willing even though I’m feeling overwhelmed?” Also, there were differences of opinion about what we were trying to do as a clinic.

Q: How were the differences resolved?

Mangala: By the grace of God, with lots of prayer and meditation. Oh, yeah, and just trying to really focus on what was needed for the good of all.

Q: Do the staff members meditate together?

Mangala: Yes, of course. At one point, we had gotten to where we were so busy that we weren’t doing that much anymore. But then we refocused on doing healing prayers and praying and meditating just before lunch.

Q: Did it have an effect?

Mangala: Oh, yes. At least four days out of five, we would stop at noon and do healing prayers and a short meditation, and then we got so busy that it didn’t happen. But now, even if we have just five minutes, we make it happen. It doesn’t take much, and it changes your energy, so that when you’re feeling like you’re being chewed up and spit out by the people you’re serving, you have the patience to carry on.

We’re dealing with people who aren’t at their best. They don’t feel good. They’re crabby, cranky, and they don’t want to pay, and you’re made to feel like a bad guy if you ask for money. It’s a challenge, and for years we had too many people working in too small a space. But we all know we’re there to learn to rise above our issues with each other, and our personal crises, and that we’re there to serve our patients.

Q: Has the spiritual practice produced changes at the clinic?

Mangala: Yes, it has. We remind ourselves that each of us has to pray at home for the clinic and for the staff and patients. At our staff meetings we also meditate and do healing prayers for the staff and the patients. If the staff hadn’t been living in a spiritual community I’m sure lots of people would have quit rather than work through their difficulties. The spiritual path gives you the perspective to say, “Wait a minute, here’s my chance to grow bigger than the problem.” I think the fact that we’re still functioning is a testament that our teachings have helped us tremendously.

Q: Has the experience increased your faith?

Mangala: Yes. The old building we had before we built the new clinic was being held together by divine grace. How the wiring worked at all was a wonder. That place was one of the best things for my faith, just to see how it continued to work because we were sincerely trying to serve.

When I was manager, I would have ten people wanting something from me at the same time, and half of them were mad. I’d be trying to decide which three I should deal with first, and sometimes I’d snap or say something that wasn’t very centered. I remember the first time it happened, I went back and apologized. I said, “I’m sorry, it wasn’t you, I was just frustrated and couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry my tone of voice wasn’t appropriate.” It was Yasoda, and she said, “Oh, that’s okay, I just reminded myself that it’s not Mangala at her highest, and I sent you blessings.” Working with saints is so very helpful!  I’ve always remembered that special and loving blessing of her response, and try to do the same for others.

Well, you know, I’m slowly becoming that highest part of me. But the point is, that’s the advantage to working with devotees, isn’t it? When you slip there’s somebody there to bless you. It was like, “Oh, yeah…,” and you were kind of glad the negative thing happened, and that you talked about it.

When we know that somebody’s really down, a patient or a staff person, we’ll spread the word and send them prayers and love. We do that a lot, and I know it has helped.

Q: The general tone of the clinic doesn’t seem at all disharmonious or crabby.

Mangala: That’s great to hear! I think we’ve done a good job of building positive energy. It’s a hard hurdle on the spiritual path, to try and rise above the negative stuff you’re feeling and be in your highest self. The trick is to do it without “stuffing” what you have to deal with. But because we’re in an environment that often isn’t harmonious, we all feel we have a responsibility to put out energy to make it a harmonious, uplifting space.

Q: How do you try to do that?

Mangala: By concentrating on sending light to the person you’re having difficulty with. By focusing on seeing God in every person. By asking Divine Mother to flow through us as instruments of blessing to others.

Q: I have a “sandbox theory of life.” Sometimes it’s helpful to visualize us adults as kids playing in a sandbox. Then you don’t expect too much, because you think, well, yeah, this is my little friend, behaving badly.

Mangala: Yes, and when you can attend long meditations, healing satsangs, Sunday service, and so on with those same people, you’re able to remind yourself that the ones you may be having a hard time with are children of God, just like you are. I know that has helped us a lot.

Q: Do you feel God’s grace when you’re putting forth strong positive energy?

Mangala: Tons of grace, certainly. There were some days when if somebody had said to me, “Would you like to work someplace else?” I’d have said, “In a minute!” But that’s the lazy part of me that wants to cave in. “I’ve had enough! It’s too hard!”

One of the things we’ve worked on is focusing on what we’re here for. If someone’s causing friction, or someone’s personal crisis is causing tests for the rest of us, how can we send enough love to that person to help them get through it, without buying into that negative energy? And, of course, it’s by God’s grace and by attunement with the Divine.

Q: I asked Dr. Peter about this. Yogananda said that people in hospitals tend to be cheerful, because they’re engaged in service.

Mangala: That’s probably true for us, yes. You’re so obviously serving people, and that does help to bring your energy up.

Q: How? By getting your mind off yourself?

Mangala: Oh yes, and for myself I know that every time I have the slightest inclination to start feeling sorry for myself, in any given day there will be at least two or three people I’ll have to deal with who have it much worse than I do. It’s a reminder, “Who am I to complain?” And you always have that opportunity to see people who are worse off than you are, and it can really help you.

Q: The patient with seventeen medical problems on their chart?

Mangala: Yes, or just someone with a crisis in their life. It may be someone on the staff. It helps you not to be focused on your own little self.

There was a point, four or five years ago, when we were all convinced that we were too tired to do this work, and that we would do something more spiritually based instead – we had even drawn up the plans. Swami Kriyananda will let things run along until he sees that you’re really going off the deep end, and then he’ll say something. And he said, “No!” He said, “Absolutely not! You cannot give up serving the Ridge. This is an important contribution that Ananda will make to the Ridge.”

So we thought, “Okay. What’s trying to happen here?” And it was a real turning point, because we decided that in our hearts we had to change the way we saw our work. We had to start thinking of being like St. Teresa or St. Francis, serving wherever God placed them, in the gutter or in the dispensary. And then it became doable. As opposed to what we wanted to do, which was something more fun and holistically focused and spiritually uplifting.

Q: You’ve considered doing more alternative healing at the clinic?

Mangala: Ever since I’ve been here, there’s been an inner battle of wanting do something more holistic. But before we could do that, Divine Mother would have to send us practitioners to take over the conventional healing, because there are so many patients who absolutely need it.

It’s hard, when one moment you’re seeing someone who’s a devotee and you’re talking about meditation or energization exercises, and the next minute you’re treating somebody who’s a biker or a dope addict, or who hasn’t bathed in umpteen years, who reeks of alcohol and cigarettes and swears a lot. To go back and forth between those realities in a minute can be hard. It would be easier to divide the clientele, but part of what we’re learning is that God is in everyone, even the person who isn’t overtly following a spiritual path.

Q: How do you manage to deal with those two realities on a daily basis?

Mangala: We consciously remember that this is what God has asked us to do. The clinic is a wonderful expression of our willingness to serve others. If the clinic didn’t exist, our patients would have to drive to Nevada City for medical help, and often they don’t have enough money for gas, or they’re not in shape to travel that far. As it stands, lots of people drive thirty minutes to get to us. Also, it’s part of what makes Ananda accepted on the Ridge, that we’re doing something serviceful and traditional and normal.

Q: What’s your personal answer for dealing with the frustrations of your work?

Mangala: One of the things I decided was to redefine my job as being a detective. That way, I didn’t get so frustrated going around hunting for things or solutions. It’s a mind‑trick that worked for me.

The insurance industry is changing so rapidly. With managed care, all of the companies are doing new things, and each one is doing it differently, so we have at least five different billing systems, and it’s absolutely insane, and if you thought you could get it all right you’d go nuts. You just have to accept that you’re never going to get your job done, and you’re never going to get it all done right, no matter how hard you try. And yet you have to do everything as perfectly as you can, because you’re dealing with people’s lives.

It’s like the spiritual path. You have to do it as perfectly as you can, but realize that you can’t do it perfectly. We were so frustrated at one point with yet another round of insurance changes, and I finally said, “Martha, we’re going to find God through insurance changes!” I made a little sign that says, “I will find God through insurance changes.” We use it to remind ourselves that we’re here to find God, not to be in a cushy job that’s fun and easy. Because this is our battlefield of the spiritual life.

Q: How about the concentration that you develop through your meditation practices? Does that help? If I try to think of five things my mind goes blooey, but if I think about one thing at a time, then all five will get done.

Mangala: We don’t always have the option of doing them sequentially. That’s one of the things that’s very difficult. Some people can’t function in this kind of environment. You have to be concentrating on what you’re doing, even though you may be interrupted ten times. But you do realize that your meditation helps your concentration, because without it you’d get fried.

Also, we’ll tell each other, “When I’m under stress, you’re gonna know it, because I’ll do or say this‑and‑that, so cut me some slack, or send me some prayers.” We’ve tried to work out an understanding so that we know when somebody’s about to lose it.

Q: “Avoid me when I’m standing in the corner, bouncing my head on the wall?”

Mangala: Yes, or when somebody withdraws and it’s irritating you, you need to realize that they’re trying to pull back and get centered, and that you don’t have to take it personally. That’s the kind of stuff we’ve really had to work on – communication and compassion and praying for each other.

Q: Are you able to get calm in those situations?

Mangala: Oh, yes, usually.

Q: Are there specific spiritual practices that help you do that?

Mangala: My whole sadhana helps. I don’t do yoga postures regularly, because I don’t have much time, and I’m not meditating as much as I’d like, again because of time. But doing Kriya Yoga helps a lot, and doing the Hong‑Sau concentration technique, Maha Mudra, energization, and chanting. Chanting is one thing that helps lots of us. We can put on some instrumental chanting tapes and it’ll help. When things are starting to go wrong – boom, we’ll put on “Krishna’s Flute” or “River of Joy.” Also, Dr. Peter’s a great one for whistling chants, or someone may go around humming. It’s probably one of the things we do most specifically.

One of my most helpful practices is affirmations.  Fortunately both Yogananda and Swami Kriyananda have given us many affirmations that help us to tame our minds, to move us toward being able to remain superconscious, even amidst the battle of daily life.  I have several helpful affirmations posted on the wall in front of my desk to remind me how to think in order to stay calm and open-hearted.

Occasionally somebody will say, “I need to go energize – bye!” and they’ll run out the door. [Paramhansa Yogananda’s exercises for energizing and controlling the energy in the body.] We have pictures and sayings at our desks, and those will often help me specifically. Sayings like Sister Gyanamata’s, “Change no circumstance of my life, Lord. Change me.” [Sister Gyanamata: Paramhansa Yogananda’s most advanced woman disciple.] Also, chanting mentally helps a lot, and reminding myself mentally what I’m there for. Or looking at Yogananda’s picture, or pictures of other saints. Different people have their own ways of refocusing. Another thing I do is pray for the clinic, pray for us to learn our lessons there, and pray that God will be with us.

 

1 thought on “Conversations With Ananda — Nayaswami Mangala”

  1. I smiled all the way through reading Mangala’s answers and felt the great empathy, acceptance and patience she was developing from her circumstances.

    About the time Mangala was retiring from the clinic I had come on board. Previously, I had worked at the Stanford School of Medicine and there encountered many strong egos on a daily basis. It was a blessing that gave me the opportunity to watch myself respond to inflated egos and change my own responses. At the time I was living at the Ananda community in Mountain View. Much later I came to the Ananda clinic as a volunteer in service to the Ridge community, which was quickly replaced by official employment. Although I had retired from healthcare and didn’t intend to work full time, Master had other plans. For the next 15 years I stayed at the clinic, basically to help Dr. Peter and the community. I knew the needs for both patients and staff, were overwhelming. I also knew that I would learn to set myself aside and serve. I’m so grateful for that chance I can’t express it in words.

    Thank you Mangala, Yoshoda and many others serving there for your contributions. For without you I would not have had the chance to serve as I did when it came my turn.

    Blessings,

    Terry

    Reply

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