Conversations With Ananda — Ch. 44, Steven Manus

Steven and Rita in 2008.

Q: You serve as an Ananda minister, and you sing Swami Kriyananda’s music with the choir and in a small ensemble. Has serving in these ways been a natural expression of who you are?

Steven: When I came onto the spiritual path in 1991, I didn’t truly understand what it meant to serve. It was a time of great transition. My marriage was falling apart, and I needed something that I envisioned as a greater sense of spirituality.

I was living in Seattle and practicing a meditation technique taught by Eknath Easwaran, where you memorize a scriptural passage and repeat it. The passage he recommended was the “Prayer of St. Francis,” so I set up a chair in the basement, and I would open the door so I had the outside coming in, and meditate and repeat the Prayer of St. Francis over and over. It resonated very deeply with me, but in time I felt that I should also take a meditation class.

A friend had mentioned the East West bookstore in Seattle. He said, “It’s a place where you can find out about a spiritual path.”

I vividly see myself walking through the door of East West and seeing many shelves labeled “Christianity,” “Hinduism,” “Judaism,” and more. I thought, “My God, how long will it take? How can I find my path? Just look at all these books!”

Then I noticed a photo of Swami Kriyananda with a sign that said “Meditation I Series Starting at the Bookstore.”

I signed up for the class. It was taught by Nayaswami Dharmadas, the former leader of Ananda’s work in India, together with his wife, Nayaswami Nirmala, who now serve as the leaders of the Ananda center and community in Sacramento.

I remember having a glorious five-minute meditation during the class, and then Dharmadas sang one of Swami Kriyananda’s songs. He recommended that we watch a cable TV series where the singers would perform a song and Swami Kriyananda would give a short talk.

I forget which song they sang. It might have been “Come Gather Round,” or “Joy in the Heavens.” But I was watching with my mouth agape, thinking, “Is this real? Does such a place exist? Do such people exist?”

The consciousness and sensibilities were so clear and clarifying that I was enthralled. Without exaggeration, it felt like the astral world had descended to earth. As I’m saying this I’m feeling the experience very vividly. I thought, “I’ve got to know more about this.”

Dharmadas said that Ananda Seattle had a teaching center and temple that offered Sunday services, and that an Ananda community was being formed.

I took more classes and got to know some of the other teachers, Nayaswamis Devarshi and Maria, and Purushottama Selbie.

Puru really drew me in. When he told me about the community, I remember saying, “Well, what do you expect me to do? Sell my house?” Because I owned a $75,000 house that was perfectly fine, and the idea of selling it seemed ludicrous.

Puru said, “Well, yeah.”

It was a bit much for me. I had struggled so hard to get the house, and if a person is in the mode of ownership, he doesn’t give it up so easily.

The next day I got a card in the mail from a realtor: “If you need to sell your house, I will sell it for you.” The real estate market in Seattle was very challenging and houses weren’t selling. I looked at the card and thought, “I’m not ready, but I’ll put it in a drawer.”

Several months later, I thought, “Okay, let’s see what can happen.” I called the realtor, and in spite of the very difficult market the house sold in five days.

I thought, “There must be more to this picture than I’m aware of.” And I was willing to suspend disbelief and go along with whatever it was.

I moved to the community, but service was still not something I was very acutely aware of. It didn’t come naturally to me, and I didn’t realize that it’s such an essential part of the path. I did help out at workdays while we were creating the community, and it was wonderful. They were glorious events where you could meet people and work side by side, have a meal, and sit and chat, and I loved it. But it just seemed like a way to have a little fun occasionally, and the concept of service as a spiritual practice didn’t stick.

I was enjoying my work. I had a successful job for the first time in my life, and I was doing really well and making good money. And then Puru said, “Would you be interested in working at East West Bookstore?”

I talked with the store manager, Nayaswami Nivritti, who told me about the position. But I was fixed in the mode of being a retail manager and salesperson. I was very, very good at my job, and I was selling like crazy. I said, “You’re asking me to move from being the most successful salesperson in this company to being a clerk behind the counter.” Because in my mind it was a step down. I don’t remember her response. But I essentially said, “Thank you – no.” [Laughs]

Puru and I then went to lunch, and I can picture it clearly. He said, “Gee, I hope you weren’t offended by what we asked.”

I said, “No, of course not.” But I thought, “Wow!” Because I was so impressed that he would have the sensitivity to think that I might be offended by being asked. And I probably did feel it as an affront, but I didn’t connect it with him personally or with Ananda.

As it happened, Puru’s wife, Lakshmi, was planting seeds for me to go on an Ananda pilgrimage to India. I had had an interest in India, because I’d been a history major with a minor in Indian political development.

At the start of the pilgrimage we gathered at the Ananda community in Palo Alto, and I flew down in advance and met some more Ananda people and saw the community. Those meetings eventually led to the leaders in Palo Alto asking me to move down and co-manage East West Bookstore in Mountain View.

When I came to East West, the concept of service still wasn’t there for me, and as a result I got in trouble because of my attitudes and the nature of my energy. I did some things well, but I did some things poorly because I still hadn’t caught on to the idea of selfless service.

I have a strong will and a level of stubbornness, and I’m sure that God decided He needed to knock me upside the head. But that was fine, because it’s part of the spiritual life – whatever it takes is what we’ll get, if we’re open to learning our lessons. And because I was open, I got pounded around a bit.

I spent two years at East West, and then I worked for two years at Bookbuyers, a huge used book store across the street from East West that was owned by Ananda members. And I got pounded around a bit more.

Then I was asked to move to Ananda Village to serve at Crystal Clarity Publishers as the salesman. But I was laid off after a month, and then I was offered a position at Earth Song Café, a health food store and restaurant that Ananda formerly owned in Nevada City.

I was one of two assistant managers. Nayaswami Daiva was the overall manager, and I worked with Scott Roberts as the other co-manager. And that’s where I finally began to learn about service.

When you’re working in a restaurant, you don’t have a choice but to work very hard. I like physical labor, so I really enjoyed that part, but it was very, very taxing.

It was at the restaurant that I first truly saw service in action, thanks to Daiva and Scott. They served selflessly, as many others also did. It was a group of very strong devotees, and service was modeled for me over and over in ways that I was able to absorb more readily. And so I really began to see what it meant to serve in a selfless manner, and to understand the benefits for our spiritual development.

I resonated with Scott in particular. All Scott did was serve. He did whatever was asked of him, and he would do it without being asked, over and over, and I admired his spirit greatly.

Scott didn’t seem to have any limitations as to the circumstances in which he would put out his full energy. It didn’t seem to matter to him, and I was mightily impressed by that. Because I had no problem putting out lots of energy on my own terms, but there were situations where I was less eager to put out energy than others.

I still have my own ways, which are different from his. So the lesson was twofold – one, I saw strong devotees serving heartily, and I saw how important it is. And I realized that we all have different natures. I could admire and learn a great deal from Scott, but I wasn’t always able to adopt his ways, because they weren’t mine.

Still, it gave me an opportunity to see service in a very vivid and real way, and to understand the value of it and the benefits, in addition to realizing that I needed to find my own way forward on the path.

I also needed to get a stronger sense of who I was, as a small self connected to a larger Self. And it was really through serving at Earth Song that the connection began to open.

It’s such an essential part of what we’re doing at Ananda – to begin the process of growing from identifying with the small self with a little “s,” and to start feeling our oneness with the larger Self with a big “S.” And working at Earth Song helped me get started in the process.

As a result of that experience I’ve grown in willingness, bit by bit. Willingness to say yes to life, not as merely a cheerful slogan but under circumstances that might be uncomfortable. And for the most part, I believe I now know enough to say “yes.” There’s still a lot of work to do, but I’ve moved past a certain threshold to where I’m able to say yes when something is asked of me. It’s very seldom now that I don’t say yes when I’m asked to serve. There are a few areas where I may bristle, and there are times when I’ve said no because I’ve gone inside and felt “It seems okay to say no under these circumstances.”

I think that service should never be offered mindlessly. With openness, absolutely, and with willingness, by all means. But we need to recognize that there will be people who can always say yes, and it’s great for them. It might even be great for us, but if there are times when you aren’t truly able to say yes with joy, it’s probably better to commit to doing just what you can do joyfully, and otherwise just do your best. But at this point, I do say yes virtually all the time.

It’s not as if I’m broadcasting it, “Hey, I said yes again!” It’s internal – “Sure, let’s do it, because it’s within my area of growth.”

Q: Swami has used the phrase “humble service,” which evokes pleasant images of a happiness where we are childlike before God. Is that a condition of service that we can get to once we’ve released our inner resistance?

Steven: I do relate to that sense of simplicity. It resonates with me strongly. But the route I’ve chosen is a bit more complex. I’m striving for an inner simplicity, and a childlike acceptance and openness. I enjoy that relationship with Master. It’s very fulfilling, but I’ve found, in my experience, that it comes a little differently for me.

I can be sweeping the walkway, doing a very simple service, and I can feel that sense of joy. Physical tasks help me connect with joy more readily than other kinds of service. I love them for that joy, but if I feel that other things are being asked of me I’ll try to be open to that same connection as well.

I find that my ability to serve grows when I’m asked to speak – to give a class or a talk or a workshop, because it’s where God is most powerfully serving through me, and it’s deeply fulfilling. As Yogananda said, “The instrument is blessed by that which flows through it.” I also see the beneficial effect it has on others when I serve in that way, and it brings me an even greater sense of fulfillment.

Q: You also serve by singing in the choir and in a small group. Swami Kriyananda said that his music is not a peripheral aspect of Yogananda’s work here – that it’s central.

Steven: It’s been central to my experience of the spiritual path! The music is fulfilling beyond any words. When I came to Ananda, Nayaswami Nirmala brought me into the choir right away. Singing with others has helped me immensely in learning to get along. It’s been an important lesson.

The music is a wonderful way to explore our mutual attunement with a higher harmony. It develops your ability to get in touch with the way energy is flowing through you. You get immediate feedback not only on whether you’re hitting the notes, but also on whether your energy is harmonious. It’s even more pronounced when you’re singing in a small group. The music is a tremendous arena for spiritual change.

Our awareness may be cluttered with the “thwarting crosscurrents of ego,” as Master called them. The music can lift us out of those currents and clarify us in no more than a moment – quite literally, it’s gone in a second and only purity reigns. That purity comes from God, and it flows through the heart. It’s the “portable paradise” of which Master spoke. For me, to have discovered that it can happen so readily and so consistently tells me that Swamiji is channeling inspiration from the highest level of consciousness, and I do want more of it. It’s an amazing experience that I recommend to everyone.

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