{"id":244,"date":"2021-08-14T16:27:55","date_gmt":"2021-08-14T16:27:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/?page_id=244"},"modified":"2021-08-14T16:27:55","modified_gmt":"2021-08-14T16:27:55","slug":"1981-a-year-of-major-changes","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\/","title":{"rendered":"1981: A Year of Major Changes"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure id=\"attachment_240\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-240\" style=\"width: 990px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-240\" src=\"http:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/renunciates-on-way-to-sunday-service.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1000\" height=\"419\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/renunciates-on-way-to-sunday-service.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/renunciates-on-way-to-sunday-service-300x126.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/renunciates-on-way-to-sunday-service-768x322.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-240\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>Ananda renunciates ride to Sunday service at the Seclusion Retreat. L-R: Asha, Anandi, Seva, Parvati, Nitai.<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><strong>To a few close friends, Swamiji said,<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019ve already done almost everything I set out to do in life: starting Ananda, writing about my life with Master. Inwardly I feel a deep, inner freedom, a joyful sense of attunement.\u201d Now, he said, he needed to change his orientation to be less about projects, and more about people. \u201cBut others, accustomed to relating to me in the old way, repeatedly seek to involve me in projects. I get drawn in, but my inner guidance also blocks my energy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The high blood pressure he described as \u201cthe physical expression of the mounting pressure of unfulfilled guidance. It isn\u2019t the work itself, it is the way I approach it. I need to develop more of an intuitive, loving flow; less teaching on a mental level, more sharing on a heart level; less theory, more direct experience.\u201d He knew a change was needed, but it wasn\u2019t clear to him how it would come about.<\/p>\n<p>In February, Arjuna and Shivani invited Swamiji to come with them on a vacation to Hawaii. At first he hesitated, then realized the atmosphere of Hawaii would support the inner shift he felt he needed. Perhaps an open-ended stay would be beneficial. At the Village, his basic living expenses were covered. In Hawaii, he would have to rent a house and take care of everything himself. But how? He had no savings; everything he earned he put back into the work.<\/p>\n<p>In the early years, Swamiji rarely saw a photograph of Ananda that he felt expressed the real spirit of the community. So he began to take pictures himself. Then he started carrying his camera when he traveled\u2014and soon had an impressive photo collection, not only of Ananda, but of people and places around the world.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe secret of good photography is feeling a sense of communion with the subject,\u201d Swamiji said. \u201cOf course, people respond to your vibrations of love and good will, but so also do plants, animals, even Nature herself. Mountains, sunsets, flowing rivers all appear more vibrant when the photographer feels an inward connection with all of life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maybe he could take pictures of Hawaii and sell them to magazines, shops, tourist agencies, even interior decorators. Perhaps other of his photos would also find a market there. \u201cIt would be a way of testing to see if this was Divine Mother\u2019s will,\u201d Swamiji said later. \u201cIf She made it <em>possible <\/em>to stay in Hawaii, that would confirm my inner feeling that it was what God wanted of me now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Uma Macfarlane had helped him with several photo projects and knew his collection well. He invited her to come with him to Hawaii and help organize and sell the pictures. They were going to the island of Kauai. She could stay with friends; he would have his own house. The income from selling photos could support them both.<\/p>\n<p>The idea that Swamiji might <em>move <\/em>to Hawaii was alarming to the community, so he said, \u201cI\u2019m not planning to settle there. But I need a break. Virtually every one of our new directions has been initiated by me. The weight of that has been an ever-present reality. Not that I mind, but now it is time for the energy to gain its own momentum, and for me to step back from it. It will be easier to step back if I\u2019m already far away!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Just a few days after they landed, he went with Uma to visit a small art shop. The single employee was a woman in her twenties. \u201cI was drawn to her immediately,\u201d Uma said. \u201cYou could see from her face that she had a sensitive, intuitive nature. When she heard Swamiji\u2019s name, she said, \u2018I just ordered your autobiography!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Later Swamiji said, \u201cThat morning I had prayed deeply to Divine Mother for the grace to be able to change myself. Two hours later, I visited an art shop to see if they would be interested in my photographs of Kauai. The lady in charge rose from her seat to examine my work. Afterward, I couldn\u2019t even recall what she looked like; a deep sense of her inner being crowded out all other impressions.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIn some way I still can\u2019t explain, she seemed to be the catalyst for an experience I\u2019d never had before. It was entirely inward\u2014a sense of completeness <em>within myself<\/em> that has never left me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Her name was Kimberley, and she was married to a man named Eric, but her marriage wasn\u2019t going well. \u201cIt is the same old story,\u201d Swamiji said, \u201cshe wants the spiritual path, he wants the world.\u201d Over the next few weeks, as he got to know Kimberley, \u201cI saw in her great spiritual potential, even for leadership, and felt guided to help her, if I could, to realize that potential. It wasn\u2019t a desire, or a sense of karmic debt\u2014that I owed it to her; it was quite impersonal.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kimberley had never been to Europe. She loved art but had never seen the originals of the art she loved. Swamiji offered to take her to Europe and be her guide in a place he knew well. She felt a powerful spiritual connection with him. His invitation would allow her to explore that connection\u2014and also extricate her from a difficult personal situation.<\/p>\n<p>Two months later, in the middle of April, when Swamiji and Kimberley arrived at Ananda on their way to Europe, they had come to an understanding: they were spiritual partners. It was startling for the community to see the man we\u2019d always known as a monk in partnership with a woman. He shared with us an inner dialogue he had had with Master.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2018It has been good until now for the work you are doing to be a monk,\u2019 he heard Master say to him, inwardly. \u2018You may continue as you are with my blessings. But if you do so, you will not be serving the <em>present<\/em> needs of the work. The world does not need examples of withdrawal. They need guidance in their day-to-day lives.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2018Where, then, can I serve best?\u2019 Swamiji asked.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2018The greatest need is in the area of marriage. You have wanted Ananda to set the example. Is it doing so? Will it ever do so, without your leadership and guidance?\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2018But Master, I\u2019m a monk! I\u2019ve vowed my life to God.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2018And what are your vows, ultimately, if not to serve Him as <em>He <\/em>wants?\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2018But I\u2019ve never felt the slightest desire to be a husband.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2018What if you were to live as one for a time only, to set an example for others? Your motive is pure: to do God\u2019s will and to serve Him in your fellowman. With such complete dedication, your attunement with Him can only grow. Later, you and your divine partner could graduate to the higher, more impersonal level of union together in God, as was commonly practiced in ancient India.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEvery time I prayed, I felt an expansive joy. If I rejected the guidance, my attunement lessened. Some of you have commented on the courage I\u2019ve shown in taking this step. If courage is what it takes to act in the face of fear, then I suppose I\u2019ve been courageous, for I\u2019ve certainly had to deal with fear\u2014not of public opinion, but of doing wrong in the eyes of God.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMeditation has finally resolved this matter and dispelled the fear. Now I feel only blessings and deep inner joy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In acting from his inner guidance, Swamiji was setting a much needed example. \u201cIn too many ways,\u201d he said about the community, \u201cpeople are relating to their spiritual lives and to each other as they feel they <em>ought<\/em> to, rather than according to their own hearts.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The dismay some felt about Swamiji\u2019s decision was expressed in just those terms. Instead of asking, \u201cWhat does Swamiji need in his life now?\u201d or even, \u201cWhat is best for Ananda?\u201d they said, \u201cSwamiji is a monk, and he <em>ought to stay that way<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He didn\u2019t argue the point, just repeated his simple explanation: \u201cI feel inwardly guided to do this.\u201d Suddenly the question was on the table for all of us: not, \u201cWhat <em>should <\/em>I do?\u201d but \u201cWhat is my inner guidance?\u201d Ananda had been falling into the most common pitfall on the path: defining spiritual life by the <em>form<\/em> rather than the <em>inner spirit<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Once that door opened, many of the sixty monks and nuns realized they had entered the monastery for the wrong reasons, and left to get married\u2014many to each other. Thus a strong group of householder devotees formed at Ananda. I was one of them; I married David Praver.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cRenunciation is the core of a happy marriage,\u201d Swamiji said. \u201cRenunciation of ego, of \u2018I and mine.\u2019 The ideal of marriage is not to live for personal satisfaction, but for sharing and giving\u2014to each other and to the world. This is not a precept that can be taught. People will learn from magnetism and example. Beautiful, fulfilling relationships at Ananda will inspire people to strive to create that in their own lives.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWith Kimberley, I am straddling both worlds. Others may see this as a change, but in my dedication, devotion, service, and renunciation, I am just the same.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>Uma\u2019s hosts on Kauai were Steven and Irene Au. She asked their advice about where to sell the photographs. When they learned that the whole project was to provide an income for Swamiji, they were aghast.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou mean the community doesn\u2019t take responsibility for the founder, but leaves him to make his own way in the world?\u201d They couldn\u2019t believe it. \u201cSwamiji is the heart of Ananda. The community will <em>never<\/em> flourish until it gives back to its heart.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Uma explained, \u201cThis is the way Swamiji wants it. \u2018I\u2019m not here to take,\u2019 he often says, \u2018I\u2019m here to give.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Steven decided to confront Swamiji on the issue. He was prepared for a fight, but Swamiji understood immediately. \u201cThe winning argument,\u201d he said later, \u201cwas that it was important for <em>Ananda<\/em> that I allow it to take care of me. I had always viewed my relationship to the community in terms of what I could <em>give. <\/em>Virtually everything I\u2019ve earned has gone toward building Ananda: hundreds of thousands of dollars by now. For me, the reward has been in the sheer joy of giving.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut Ananda has grown to the point where I can no longer seriously contemplate financing major developments myself; and <em>after<\/em> doing so, cast about for ways to support myself. I am reconciled to this new direction because it will enable me to give even more, not as a fundraiser, but in a spiritual capacity.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt is time I allowed the relationship to be reciprocal, to let the child stand on its own feet\u2014and also to take care of its \u2018heart,\u2019 if this weak instrument is to continue to beat for many years to come.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>Dallas Atkins chose January 5 as the auspicious day to file our petition to incorporate Ananda as a California city. She was the attorney; I became the spokesperson. Rumors were flying, and we thought it best if the neighbors got the facts directly from us, so we called a meeting. We knew it would be disharmonious, with Swamiji as the primary target. His presence would merely inflame the opposition, so better that he not come.<\/p>\n<p>He gave us this advice: \u201cRelax in the spine; project a strong, positive energy from the Christ center; remember to be a cause, not an effect. A strong offense will be your best defense, but the offense must be of non-violent, spiritual energy. Above all, keep faith in God and Guru, and project that faith dynamically into the room and into the hearts even of those who oppose you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>About one hundred of our neighbors, and an equal number from Ananda, gathered in the local school house. We did our best to follow Swamiji\u2019s advice, and to defuse negativity with honest communication. It went as well as could be expected\u2014which was not very well. It was going to be a long fight.<\/p>\n<p>As it happened, another spiritual group was also trying to create their own city. Their method was different. They bought property in a tiny Oregon town, moved in dozens of their people, and tried to take over by outvoting the locals.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTruth is one, the paths are many,\u201d was printed on the masthead of <em>The Banyan Tree. <\/em>Swamiji didn\u2019t usually comment on other teachers, but in this case, even before this latest caper, Swamiji had said this so-called teacher was undermining the integrity of the whole yoga movement in the United States.<\/p>\n<p>Fine shades of distinction were lost on the local, state, and national media. Together, we were a better story. Few bothered to point out the differences between their behavior and ours. Our neighbors fanned the flames with letters to the editor and outrageous statements to reporters. Almost all the publicity was bad.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_239\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-239\" style=\"width: 990px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-239\" src=\"http:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/expanding-light-service-swami.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1000\" height=\"603\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/expanding-light-service-swami.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/expanding-light-service-swami-300x181.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/expanding-light-service-swami-768x463.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-239\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>Swamiji conducts a Sunday service in the bare-walled dining room of The Expanding Light.<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Our neighbors also sent angry letters to many of us, especially to Swamiji. At the same time that he was answering questions within the community about forsaking his monastic vow, and \u201ctaking money from Ananda\u201d\u2014now that we were giving him a salary\u2014he was getting hate mail from the neighbors.<\/p>\n<p>As yogis, we are trained to think in terms of karma. If something untoward happens to you, it is because, somewhere in the past, you put out a similar energy. The proper response is to see where you are at fault, and do your best to change. <em>The<\/em> <em>Vow of Superconscious Living <\/em>says, \u201cIn times of adversity, I will blame no one but myself.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If our neighbors were upset, many in the community thought it must be <em>our <\/em>fault. Instead of standing together in defense of our principles, they wanted to make peace. The spiritual path is supposed to be peace and harmony, not a fierce fight\u2014especially not a fight we ourselves had started, with what some now called this \u201cmad plan\u201d to incorporate as a city.<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, there were enough who did understand to keep going forward. But I spent as much time putting out fires within the community as I did answering accusations from our neighbors.<\/p>\n<p>I tried to help people understand that negative energy is not always personal. It is not always a karmic balance for something you did <em>wrong <\/em>in the past. There is another kind of karma: to attract negativity because of the <em>good <\/em>you are doing. It is a mark of success, not failure; Darkness against Light. This kind of karma is called <em>persecution. <\/em>Jesus promises, \u201cThere is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake\u2026 but he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time\u2026<em>with persecutions.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Peter Caddy, the leader of the Findhorn Community in Scotland, came to visit Swamiji just a few weeks after an arsonist had burned down their temple. When Swamiji expressed sympathy, Peter replied gaily, \u201cIf they aren\u2019t persecuting you, you aren\u2019t working hard enough to do good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>At the end of April, the night before Swamiji and Kimberley left for Europe, he gave a satsang at Ananda House. Usually when Swamiji left for a trip he blessed us individually, as a way of saying good-bye, and perhaps also to keep us safe while he was away.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFor all these years,\u201d he said, \u201cI have had the privilege of blessing you. Now I would like you to bless me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>A wave of consternation swept through the room. \u201cWho are <em>we<\/em> to bless <em>you<\/em>?\u201d It had never occurred to most of us that we were <em>capable <\/em>of blessing <em>anyone<\/em>, least of all Swamiji; or that he would need or want a blessing from us.<\/p>\n<p>He sat in the front of the room, silently meditating. Shyly, with some trepidation, one by one we approached him. Placing the forefinger of the right hand at his spiritual eye\u2014the way he always blessed us\u2014each prayed to be an instrument of Master\u2019s blessing for him.<\/p>\n<p>Of the many inspiring experiences I have had with Swamiji, that satsang was one of the deepest and sweetest. After years of <em>taking <\/em>from him, we now discovered, \u201cIt <em>is<\/em> more blessed to <em>give<\/em> than to receive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>A few days later, on April 30, we had a community meeting. It had been a rocky few months and we were still reeling; and, to an extent, still divided in our response. Some people had already left; after the meeting, more would go.<\/p>\n<p>Many people spoke, openly and honestly, about their initial reactions, their meditative reflections, and present understandings. One comment near the end summed it up: \u201cSwamiji may have changed his <em>lifestyle<\/em>, but his <em>consciousness<\/em> is the same. He is, as he has always been, our divine friend.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The meeting was recorded and a copy sent to Swamiji in Germany. \u201cI am so indifferent to what people think,\u201d he told us later, \u201cthat I listened to the tape for the first time with two men I barely knew sitting there with me. One of them was the leader of the SRF group in Munich.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou all spoke beautifully. They were so impressed to hear people be so open with each other, so honest in front of such a large group. Nowhere else in the world are people like that. I think it did more to draw them to Ananda than anything else could.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIn San Francisco, I asked you to bless me so you could understand more deeply that you are responsible for being a channel of blessing in this world. I love you all and want to be with you, but on a more mature level of sharing than in the past. Ananda really is a community of saints.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>Swamiji returned to Ananda right after his birthday\u2014but without Kimberley. In Europe, she had begun to realize the magnitude of the change God was calling her to make through her closeness with Swamiji. She felt the need to step back and consider what her future would be. She went to stay with her mother in Southern California; then with Eric.<\/p>\n<p>True to his intention to shift his focus from projects to people, Swamiji hosted afternoon teas at his home, accepted invitations to visit in the homes of others, gave classes, led weekly meditations, held question and answer sessions, and had informal conversations with guests and residents. He was now receiving a modest salary. Still, we knew he might feel the need to go out and teach to earn money for his special projects: new directions for Ananda that couldn\u2019t be supported in any other way. For that fund, the Retreat manager persuaded Swamiji to accept money for the classes he gave at Ananda.<\/p>\n<p>With many former monastics now in relationships, the balance of the whole community had shifted toward the householder life. Instead of trying to be <em>spiritual<\/em>, now we just tried to be ourselves. It felt like we had been holding our breath for a long time and had finally exhaled. The incorporation was progressing. Dallas and I were working on the environmental impact report, but it wasn\u2019t very interesting to reporters. Occasionally there was some bad publicity, but for the moment the controversy had faded into the background.<\/p>\n<p>It was a very happy summer.<\/p>\n<p>After three months, Kimberley returned, seemingly resolved now to embrace wholeheartedly her life with Swamiji. <em>Swami <\/em>is a title usually reserved for monks. Occasionally a swami is married, but it is not common. So he officially became \u201c<em>Sri<\/em> Kriyananda.\u201d For formal occasions, instead of orange he now wore white, or sometimes lavender, which \u201cmatches our ray of divine grace,\u201d Swamiji said.<\/p>\n<p>There was community-wide discussion about what we should call him. <em>Swami<\/em> also means <em>teacher<\/em>, and in India, many spiritual leaders, monastic and married, use it that way. <em>Ji <\/em>is a suffix connoting both affection and respect. Swamiji\u2019s status as a monk had changed, but not his relationship to us as teacher. Officially, he was <em>Sri <\/em>Kriyananda, but we agreed that he was, and always would be, our <em>Swamiji.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>An Indian astrologer had given Kimberley the name <em>Parameshwari <\/em>(supreme goddess). Swamiji had chosen a simpler, more humble name for her, but he allowed his choice to be overruled by the astrologer.<\/p>\n<p>The organizer of a new-age tour of Egypt had invited Swamiji\u2014and now, Parameshwari\u2014to help lead it. Before leaving on the trip in November, Swamiji wrote an article for <em>Yoga Journal, <\/em>the main publication for the wider spiritual community in the United States. It included a picture of him with Parameshwari and an official announcement of the change in his life. Lead time for print media is several months, so the announcement wouldn\u2019t appear until the end of January.<\/p>\n<p>Parameshwari intuitively remembered past lives in Egypt in which she had attained high states of realization. She thought if she returned to those ancient sites, it would reawaken in her the power she had then. When that did not happen, her disappointment was profound. Swamiji said later, \u201cThis was, of course, God\u2019s test, to see if she loved Him truly for His love\u2019s sake, or for her own sake.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Swamiji felt little attunement with Egypt and thought whatever inspiration he might feel would be through her. To his surprise, he had deep experiences. His inspiration made her disappointment worse. She became uncertain about everything, including her life with Swamiji.<\/p>\n<p>After Egypt, they were scheduled to go to Rome. Instead, Parameshwari decided to go to Southern California to see her mother, ignoring Swamiji\u2019s hints that this was not in her best interest spiritually.<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>A group of about thirty charismatic Catholics, and the priest who guided them, came from Sorrento, in southern Italy, to see Swamiji in Rome. They had all read <em>Autobiography of a Yogi, <\/em>were eager to meet a direct disciple, and hoped he would initiate them into Kriya Yoga. They were practicing <em>Hong Sau<\/em>, but hadn\u2019t learned any of the other techniques.<\/p>\n<p>During Master\u2019s lifetime, discipleship and Kriya were two separate initiations. It takes time to qualify for Kriya; recognition of Master as one\u2019s Guru can be instantaneous. Only after Master\u2019s passing did SRF drop discipleship initiation, and make Kriya Initiation serve for both. When you take Kriya, the focus is necessarily on learning the technique. Discipleship may not get the reverent attention it deserves. With only one initiation, a person will have to wait at least months, perhaps even years\u2014depending on how disciplined he is in his practice\u2014to get his discipleship confirmed. A person of great devotion, who lacks discipline, may never qualify for Kriya, and therefore never be initiated as a disciple.<\/p>\n<p>For all these reasons, Master kept the two initiations separate. Meditating with the group in Rome, Swamiji asked Master, \u201cHow can I serve these souls you have sent to me?\u201d The answer was: \u201cDo as I did.\u201d So he initiated them all as Master\u2019s disciples.<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_238\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-238\" style=\"width: 537px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-238\" src=\"http:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/ananta-ditch.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"547\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/ananta-ditch.jpg 547w, https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/ananta-ditch-205x300.jpg 205w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 547px) 100vw, 547px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-238\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>Early days at Ananda Village: Ananta repairs a pipe. On a single rainy winter day before the Village roads were paved, Ananta pulled ten cars out of ditches.<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>When Swamiji returned to Ananda, communication from Parameshwari was not encouraging. \u201cWhen she called me from her mother\u2019s house,\u201d he said later, \u201cthere was a childish quality in her voice that I didn\u2019t hear when she was with me. I felt her trembling before the responsibility for spiritual growth, wanting instead to recapture the \u2018security\u2019 of childhood, mother, and all the \u2018dear old things of the past.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>By the middle of December, when it was clear that she was not coming back, Swamiji became quite withdrawn. He grieved, not for himself, but for her lost spiritual potential. \u201cGod gave her a great opportunity,\u201d he said. \u201cI recognize the magnitude of what was being asked of her, but it was her karma. God would have given her the strength. When He gives you a gift like that and you reject it, it is a long time before such a gift comes again.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>For himself, he was profoundly concerned that he had misunderstood Master\u2019s guidance. \u201cI asked the question many times,\u201d he said, \u201cbecause it seemed almost inevitable that Master would <em>dis<\/em>approve. But always when I prayed, the bliss increased.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>His withdrawal continued for several weeks. Then, gradually, he came back to being himself. \u201cNaturally I assumed the relationship would last longer,\u201d he said. \u201cBut when I look at myself, and at Ananda, I see that everything has changed in just the way I had hoped. Divine Mother has done what She intended to do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>By the time the announcement came out in <em>Yoga Journal<\/em>, the relationship was already over. Swamiji had sensed Parameshwari\u2019s doubts, and thought it better not to make a public statement until after they returned from Egypt. \u201cIf you change your mind,\u201d he told her, \u201cit will be a great humiliation for me.\u201d But she insisted, so he acquiesced. Now he said wryly, \u201cGiven the circumstances, I could be quite embarrassed. But I choose not to be.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Parameshwari had gone back to Eric and joined SRF. Swamiji heard that she was now talking against him. \u201cShe has taken the route taken by so many others,\u201d he wrote to Uma, \u201cblaming me instead of herself for her failure to succeed at Ananda. She has begun to resent what were only my efforts to help her, reading self-interest in my motives where there was none. I was the one who brought her to Master; that is a tie that should be respected.\u201d He was concerned for her spiritual well-being in violating that.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe see her great potential, but I think all of us have also seen the other side was there as well. I think we have to leave her to herself, and to the life she has elected to follow. I have done all for her that I could\u2014far more than she herself realizes. My love for her is, and has ever been, for the God in her.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The incorporation project had heated up again. Abuse was being heaped upon Swamiji from that side as well. Mostly he felt secure in Master\u2019s blessings, but when doubt assailed him, he had to fight the battle all over again. It was a difficult period.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>To a few close friends, Swamiji said, \u201cI\u2019ve already done almost everything I set out to do in life: starting Ananda, writing about my life with Master. Inwardly I feel a deep, inner freedom, a joyful sense of attunement.\u201d Now, he said, he needed to change his orientation to be less about projects, and more &#8230; <a title=\"1981: A Year of Major Changes\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about 1981: A Year of Major Changes\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-244","page","type-page","status-publish"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>1981: A Year of Major Changes - Swami Kriyananda: Lightbearer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A 51-year disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda describes a year of major changes in the Ananda community.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"1981: A Year of Major Changes - Swami Kriyananda: Lightbearer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A 51-year disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda describes a year of major changes in the Ananda community.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Swami Kriyananda: Lightbearer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/renunciates-on-way-to-sunday-service.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"22 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\\\/\",\"name\":\"1981: A Year of Major Changes - Swami Kriyananda: Lightbearer\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2021\\\/08\\\/renunciates-on-way-to-sunday-service.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-08-14T16:27:55+00:00\",\"description\":\"A 51-year disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda describes a year of major changes in the Ananda community.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/1981-a-year-of-major-changes\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2021\\\/08\\\/renunciates-on-way-to-sunday-service.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.yoganandafortheworld.com\\\/story\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2021\\\/08\\\/renunciates-on-way-to-sunday-service.jpg\",\"width\":1000,\"height\":419,\"caption\":\"Ananda renunciates ride to Sunday service at the Seclusion Retreat. 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